Discipline

June 3, 2011 mommytobeaver
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When I was growing up, I said I wasn’t going to be like my parents. I thought they were overly strict and didn’t understand what it was like being a teenager. I was going to let my children make their own decisions and let them live with the consequences whether they were good or bad. I still have that mentality but I can tell its going to be much harder than I thought.

A year ago, Tim and I took a class about discipline using Love and Logic. The basics of this sort of discipline is allowing your child to learn from their actions. For instance, instead of fighting with your child about going to bed at night, let her stay up so she knows how tired she is without the proper amount of sleep. Obviously there are some catches here because you will then be fighting with your child the next morning when it’s time to get up.

I haven’t found too many opportunities to use it with Charla over the last year. Two year olds don’t have many decisions to make and they are still learning right from wrong. But I will refer to it in the future. Right now I am doing a lot of explaining and a time-out here and there depending on what she did. I don’t like time-out. I don’t think it teaches anything except the fact that when she does something wrong she gets sat on a chair and ignored. That’s not exactly the lesson I want to teach, so  they are a last resort.

One aspect of my parenting that I am very proud of is the fact that Charla has never been smacked or spanked by either me or Tim. This was very important to me. I feel like if you allow yourself to hit your child, you are walking a slippery slope of becoming more and more abusive. My parents were spankers and yellers. It is hard sometimes to overcome this; the yelling more than the spanking. I don’t want to have to constantly raise my voice to get Charla to hear me.

Now that she’s 3 and entering a more social time in her life, I want to give her the words to use to express herself. I’ve been doing this all along and it showed in her school report when her teacher wrote that she expresses herself very well. Now though, I have to teach her how to communicate to people when she is sad or mad. Yelling, pushing or throwing temper tantrums are not good ways to communicate. It’s a learning process and I plan to continue teaching her until she’s an adult. At that point I think advice would be given versus teaching, although I suppose that could be slightly interchangeable.

I want her to be able to look back on her childhood and feel like she was understood and listened to. I’m going to make mistakes. We’re going to get into arguments and feelings will be hurt. But, when we both calm down, I want her to be able to come to me, we can both apologize and finish working out the problem together. Idealistic….yeah. But something to aim for.

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Entry Filed under: Daily Thoughts

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