June 14, 2011 mommytobeaver
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I’m a control freak.

I get upset when I feel like things are getting out of control. If I have an idea of how I want something to go and then it doesn’t work out, I get upset. Having a child really brought this to my attention because there is very little I can control about Charla. She’s her own person with her own plans. I think the lack of control in some areas of my life has increased my desire of control in other areas.

I have a good day when I’m able to clean the house, get all my work done and still have enough time to relax in the evening. In order to achieve this I need to be on my game. If something starts slipping, everything starts slipping. It’s almost like, if I can’t stay on top of things, I may as well fall all the way to the bottom. Days like that are hard and it’s a struggle to pick myself back up and keep going.

I’m trying hard to untangle the things I can control from the things I can’t. But it’s hard and there are a lot of grey areas. And then some days, I don’t want to control anything. I want someone to swoop in and take over so I can rest. Of course this never happens, so those days end up being hard days.

Yesterday was a good day and I think that’s what got me thinking. Why do I have this need? It’s not like I don’t enjoy spontaneous days. In fact, those days usually turn out to be some of the funnest. Why can’t I sit back and let the day come as it will without getting upset?  The day will come as it will regardless of how I feel about it. Some days I’ll feel good about how things went and some days I’ll feel like I got nothing accomplished. Obviously all days cannot be good days  like yesterday. I got all my work done by early afternoon, I got the living room cleaned up, got dinner made and then had the entire evening to relax. It was wonderful. But I really want to be able to enjoy all my days (or at least most of them)!


Entry Filed under: Daily Thoughts

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