Posts tagged ‘goals ‘




Control

I’m a control freak.

I get upset when I feel like things are getting out of control. If I have an idea of how I want something to go and then it doesn’t work out, I get upset. Having a child really brought this to my attention because there is very little I can control about Charla. She’s her own person with her own plans. I think the lack of control in some areas of my life has increased my desire of control in other areas.

I have a good day when I’m able to clean the house, get all my work done and still have enough time to relax in the evening. In order to achieve this I need to be on my game. If something starts slipping, everything starts slipping. It’s almost like, if I can’t stay on top of things, I may as well fall all the way to the bottom. Days like that are hard and it’s a struggle to pick myself back up and keep going.

I’m trying hard to untangle the things I can control from the things I can’t. But it’s hard and there are a lot of grey areas. And then some days, I don’t want to control anything. I want someone to swoop in and take over so I can rest. Of course this never happens, so those days end up being hard days.

Yesterday was a good day and I think that’s what got me thinking. Why do I have this need? It’s not like I don’t enjoy spontaneous days. In fact, those days usually turn out to be some of the funnest. Why can’t I sit back and let the day come as it will without getting upset?  The day will come as it will regardless of how I feel about it. Some days I’ll feel good about how things went and some days I’ll feel like I got nothing accomplished. Obviously all days cannot be good days  like yesterday. I got all my work done by early afternoon, I got the living room cleaned up, got dinner made and then had the entire evening to relax. It was wonderful. But I really want to be able to enjoy all my days (or at least most of them)!

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Add a comment June 14, 2011

Balancing Busy

There is nothing better than a busy but fun weekend. Weekends are meant to be busy. They are meant for getting together with people, going to new places and playing with children. Of course, there needs to be a balance between being busy and allowing yourself to relax. This past weekend supplied both opportunities simultaneously.

My brother and his wife rent a townhouse that supplies a pool. The pool is in great shape, is fairly large and it’s heated. We all love it and, now that the weather is improving, we’re taking advantage of it. By the end of last summer, Charla was able to swim with her life vest on. We’ve gotten into the pool twice so far this year and, while Charla is a bit more timid in the water, she is still loving it. I bought her a floating tube which she loves. She hangs onto its sides all by herself and spins herself in circles. We stayed in the pool for close to 2 hours. Then we sat on the porch and dried off. It was fun, relaxing and the weather was super.

Sunday was our relaxing day at home. I spent some time straightening up the master bedroom. We have lived in our condo for almost 7 years and I still have not given the master bedroom a personal touch. It is a room I go into to sleep and not much else. Over the years it has built up some storage items, even though we have a storage area in our basement. Yesterday, I focused on getting the storage stuff out of the bedroom. This took me about an hour and made a huge difference in the room’s appearance. Then, I bought some sheer, white curtains and hung them. They give the room a very cozy feel. I need to hang a few pictures on the walls, but it’s starting to feel more homey.

Over the next few weeks I’m going to focus on decluttering. The closets and cabinets desperately need this. It’s amazing how much junk gets accumulated. It is slightly life-threatening when opening some closets. Most things have places to go and I try to keep them there. The kitchen is a constantly losing battle because of dishes. I always feel like I’m one load of dishes behind what I should be.

We have 3 more weeks before our long holiday weekend. With the long weekend last weekend and the short week that followed, I’m out of synch and not ready to get back to work this morning. Life goes on though and the weekend is only 5 days away. Can you tell I live for my weekends?!

Add a comment June 6, 2011

Summertime!

Today is officially the start of summer. There are so many things to love about summer: thunderstorms, swimming, popsicles on  the front porch, relaxing in the shade and so much more. I plan on making many family memories this summer. Charla has reached an age when she may be able to retain some of the things we do for the rest of her life. Making memories is such an important part of being a family.

I have a lot of memories from summers. I remember playing baseball with my dad, going to a neighborhood park, playing outside with friends, splashing in my kid pool and taking our annual family vacation up-north. Each of these memories is special in its own way. It’s fun to think back to those times when life was so much simpler.

Tim and I have started planning a few things. We go to the zoo and the fair every year, so we are excited for those two things. We are planning a weekend trip with my brother and his wife and then in early August we’ll be camping with my parents, my brother and his wife. So, a lot of fun trips coming up in the next 3 months.

We try to do something special every weekend as well. It doesn’t have to be big. A trip to a park, playing at the beach, filling up the kid pool or having a picnic. Now that Charla’s older these plans are much more feasible and fun. I am looking forward to a wonderful summer!

Add a comment June 1, 2011

24

Back in January, Tim and I decided to take a break from trying for our second child. Tim had just started a new job, our insurance was switching and I had just started some part-time freelance writing. We waited for 4 months before deciding we were ready to begin again. This month was our first month of trying and, of course, it’s going to be a bust.

I don’t know what’s wrong. What I do know is that neither Tim nor I want to spend a fortune (that we don’t have) on treatment. I talked to my Ob/Gyn back in late fall and he didn’t seem concerned. He said for some couples it can take up to 3 years. This is frustrating but it doesn’t mean there is something wrong. I don’t feel like there is something wrong, so I declined further testing.

I feel like we need a stopping point though now that we are back on the wagon and Charla is 3 years old. We agreed to try for 24 more cycles. Charla will be 5 years old and starting Kindergarten in the fall. I feel we will be so far out of the baby stage that we won’t want to go back. I’m already sort of reaching this point. I had wanted the kids about 2.5 years apart. The fact that this is not going to happen just plain sucks. It’s not fair but I can’t control it. I refuse to let it get me down. I have a beautiful daughter, a loving family and my husband is my best friend. What more can I ask for?!

So, I am starting the countdown this cycle. I’m crossing my fingers that by the end of this a baby will be on the way. If not, I have to move on. I only have one life to live and I want to enjoy it to the absolute fullest.

Add a comment May 28, 2011

It’s Almost Party Time!

Quick post because I have a lot going on today! This morning is the calm before the storm. The storm being Charla’s birthday party on Saturday.

I’m a procrastinator. I always have been, probably always will be. What that means for today is that I have absolutely nothing ready for her party. I seem to work better under pressure though, so I know everything will get done and the party will be enjoyable. However, this afternoon is going to include doing some grocery shopping and heading to DQ to let Charla pick out her cake. Oh, and I almost forgot she has to bring snack tomorrow for school….eeeek!

I love days like this. I thrive on them. They make me feel alive. Being so busy I don’t have time to sit and think feels great. Come Sunday though, I will be glad it’s over.

Add a comment May 12, 2011

In Process

Lately it seems like I am all about self exploration. I’m not an emotionally deep person. Meaning, I don’t sit and ponder the meaning of life or why I am a certain way. I took a psychology class in high school, but that is the extent of my knowledge of the brain’s inner workings. However, like I’ve repeatedly said, becoming a parent opened my eyes to a few things.

Yet another one of those things is my family and extended family. Growing up, I always thought we were a close family. We got together for every major holiday and even some of the minor ones. There would be laughing, talking, and playing games. Don’t get me wrong, family gatherings were fun. But…..

Now that I’ve grown up and had a child, I can see family gatherings a little more clearly. I’ve become familiar to the family politics. My family isn’t exactly open with one another. Emotions get hid, people get mad without voicing their concerns and passive-aggressive comments are made. I guess this is pretty unavoidable whenever there is a group of people getting together on a regular basis.

I have a good relationship with my parents. However, there are certain parenting techniques I’m doing differently and things I want to do differently as Charla gets older. It can be hard to step out of the mold. When I’ve had a bad day I feel myself slipping back to the yelling and frustration that my parents often used to discipline.

I also find myself as a glass half empty person. I’m not sure if this is something that can be genetically inherited, but I’m sure if you live around that for the early part of your life you tend to pick it up. I’m trying to have a more optimistic outlook on life and not let the little things bother me.

So, those are the two big things I’m trying to work on within myself. I know that anger, frustration and negativity are always going to be a part of life. They are necessary emotions since life cannot always be sunshine and rainbows. But I think aiming for more fun, happy times is a good goal.

Add a comment May 11, 2011

24 Hours Isn’t Enough

We FINALLY got Charla’s playset built this past weekend. It was a long time coming and the weather refused to cooperate. It’s a good thing we did it last weekend because the it looks like another rainy weekend is coming up. Although today the sun is shining and it’s supposed to be 60F. I’m looking forward to that!

I’ve been doing some thinking lately about my last blog post and how I can focus more on myself. This is really hard for me because the way I see it, the more time I focus on myself the less time I have left to focus on other things. And there are so many other things; clean the house, feed the animals, play with Charla, work, and the list goes on. Finding that balance is very difficult for me. For example, I can spend a couple hours perfectly happily cleaning the house. However, then I feel bad that Charla spent all morning in school and I’m not doing anything with her in the afternoon. Or, reverse that scenario, and I play with Charla all day but my house looks horrendous. There simply isn’t enough hours in the day.

So now I want to try to add more into my day, more me time. Although I know I deserve it, it’s still hard. The first step in this process is going to revolve around food. I’m going to focus on making meals, dinner specifically. We don’t eat out much but, ever since Charla was born, I’ve relied on quick dinners (baked chicken breast, baked ham, baked fish, you get the idea). The meals are boring and they rotate continually throughout the weeks. I want to spice things up and find a few new, tasty recipes to add to the weekly menu. I want to actually spend a bit of time in the kitchen.

I’ve always enjoyed baking and I can tell by just dabbling in it during the last week, I’m going to enjoy hunting for new recipes and trying them out. My goal is to try 2 or 3 new dinners per week. By the end of the month, I should have a handful of dinners I can add to our biweekly rotation and the plain chicken can take a backseat.

Add a comment May 4, 2011

Finding Me

Tim and I got married young. We started dating the summer before I started my Senior year in high school. I turned 18 in early May and we were married at the end of June. This year we will be married for 10 years. We have had our fair share of ups and downs, but have made it through and our relationship is stronger because of them.

Lately however, I’ve been thinking that I’ve never had the time to get to know myself. That’s sort of silly, to think I don’t know myself as well as I should. My entire adult life has been about me and someone else. And for the last few years it’s been about myself and two other people.

Obviously I know my likes and dislikes. However, I’ve never built up a hobby. Or learned something new, just for me and because I wanted to. Tim is good about developing his own hobbies. When we started dating he was really into weather. He could tell you all about weather patterns and what they mean for our climate. Lately, he’s been into tropical gardening, which is quite a feat when you live in WI!

What do I like? I like reading. I have quite a few television shows which I follow faithfully. I’ve dabbled in crochet and scrapbooking. But I don’t have anything that I’m really passionate about. I want to change this. I want to find and own a hobby. I’ve got a few ideas and I’ll share them here as I explore more options.

I love blogging about my daughter and our life. I read back in time and what I wrote reminds me of memories I had forgotten all about. I’m not going to stop that. But I want to add another aspect to this blog. I need somewhere to remind myself to just be me. A place where I can try and fail and then try something else.

Add a comment April 29, 2011

Spring Cleaning

I’m hoping to find time this week to do some spring cleaning. The house needs it….bad.

It’s been hard for me to juggle my time between working part-time, playing with Charla, cleaning the house and finding personal time for myself. The house is always the one that falls to the wayside. The basics get done, but not a deep cleaning that makes me feel happy to live here.

My bedroom is (and always has been) the dumping ground. Piles of clothes, books and other miscellaneous items that have no where else to go. It’s also very impersonal. I don’t know why I haven’t decorated that room, perhaps because I don’t spend much time in there. It’s go go go all day long and by the time I finally enter the bedroom, I’m sleeping in five minutes. Plus, I really think the girl-gene involved with “feathering the nest” simply passed me by.

So, this week I’m going to focus on the bedroom. Take the clothes I no longer wear to the thrift store. Put the stray books on the bookshelf. Pack away some of Charla’s clothes that no longer fit but have been sitting on my dresser all winter long. Get all the dust bunnies and cat hair tumbleweeds out from under the bed.

Perhaps after all this cleaning, the weekend will cooperate and I can open the windows.

Add a comment April 5, 2011

Ready For the New Year

I make New Year’s Resolutions. I love them. There is something about the clock turning to 12:00, the first day of the year, that makes me feel like anything I set my mind to is possible. Naturally, they do not all turn out the way I had imagined. Over the years, I’ve come to realize that it’s not about setting a goal and sticking to it like it’s written in stone. It’s about setting a goal and working towards it with baby steps.

Over the last month, I’ve put some thought into what I want my resolutions to be this year. Becoming a mother has changed my outlook on life. Before Charla my goals would have been something about losing weight, eating healthier and exercising more. These are all good goals and things that I still aim to do, but life has gotten a bit deeper to me than just surface things. I want to work on what’s inside as well as what’s outside.

Lately, I have been very inspired to work towards making my life as full and meaningful as possible. I want to enjoy the moments and fully be there, making memories. I want to be happy and positive, even if things get a little rough. Of course I know that life cannot always be fun and games, sadness and anger are emotions that everyone needs to deal with. Perhaps though, I don’t need to deal with them quite as often as I do.

Another resolution I have is to look for the beauty in life. I have a passion for creative outlets and photography happens to be one. This year, I want to take pictures of all the beautiful things I see on a daily basis. Things that I otherwise would have walked right passed and not paid any attention to. I want to put these images in an album to look back on and remember the wonderful, little things of 2011.

I’m ready for a new year, new beginnings and a new outlook on life!

Add a comment December 30, 2010

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